Mary Had a Little Ham

I sometimes pick on my husband because his knowledge of fairy tales is limited at best. Hansel and Gretel? Doesn't ring a bell. The Shoemaker and the Elves? Nope. Rip Van Winkle. Rip Van Who? So as you could guess, his recollection of nursery rhymes is worse. He says that while I was learning nursery rhymes, he was outside on his BMX bike catching some sweet air. For my amusement, and yours, here are Dear's best guesses as to the omited words in the following nursery rhymes:


There was an old lady who lived in a box. She had so many toes, she didn't know what to do. She gave them some polish without any bread; she whipped them all soundly and sent them to bed.


Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle. The cow jumped over the moon. The little squirrel grabbed his nuts to see such sport and the cat ran away with the spoon.


Baa baa black sheep, have you any wool? Yes sir, yes sir ten bags full. One for my wife, one for my son, and one for the little boy who lives in the corner.


Little Miss Piggie, sat on her chair eating her salsa and whey. Along came a deer and sat down beside her and tickled her all the day.


Little Boy Blue come blow your horn. The sheep's in the barn, the cow's in the storm. Where is the boy who looks after the sheep? He's under the rock, fast asleep.


Jack Sprat could eat no yak, his wife could eat no glue. So between the both of them they licked the pole new.


Little Jack Horner sat in a corner eating his Christmas porridge. He stuck in his spoon and pulled out a plum and said "Oh my my!"